Knocked down but not out

So, I spent this past weekend knocked down on my ass because I didn’t listen to my body and pushed it too hard. Picture this, I am sitting in a ball, crying because I am exhausted, coughing, my nose is stuffy and running, and I am questioning whether all our dreams are just out of reach for us, and a cruel joke the world is playing on us. And I am thinking, how did I get here? What happened?

After some reflection, I realized that I had pushed myself to the point where my body stopped and made me take a break. I had been going and going and going thinking I can handle everything and I am superwoman and don’t need any rest. (Now, I am superwoman, but I still need a break now and then.)

You see, I can take care of everyone else, but I am not good at taking care of myself. I was good, until I wasn’t. LOL! I have such big dreams, and so much that I want to do, that I keep pushing and pushing. And then, when I get sick, I resist it, and pout like I can’t believe my body can’t run like a robot or computer system that isn’t human. (Too bad I can’t just reboot, and be fine.)

Although, like a computer, I do need to recharge and then I will be fine. Instead of fighting and resisting the fact that I am only human, instead of begrudging the fact that I need to rest now and then, instead of wishing I was superhuman, I need to embrace my humanity, and realize it is okay to need a break. It is okay to spend a few hours in bed, it is okay to drink some tea, and it is okay to have to cancel a meeting.

I realized that I get out of balance when I start focusing on “doing” and not “being.” I had started to focus on the activities that I was planning and the things going on, and not on just living in the moment. I had gotten away from appreciating the good, and focusing on the future, and had gotten wrapped up in the issues of the now. (Which is stressing.) So, my body gave me a reminder to stop and refocus on what is important. And, I think I will finally listen. (I guess I don’t have a choice. LOL!)

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