Words

I am reminded today how much words can hold meaning. I say things sometimes that I don’t think about, and sometimes they can cause pain to those I love. That is not my intention of course, but then I can feel like I have to explain what I meant and defend myself. And then the old programs kick in, and I start to feel like I am not good enough and not wanted, and it goes down in this ugly spiral of hateful things that are lobbed back and forth like a tennis ball.

Not that this has ever happened to you and your significant other, but every once in a while, it happens to us and we will go at it. Why do we do that, you ask? Well, I feel like I am not being heard and not being understood, he feels like his feelings don’t matter to me, so we keep adding more words to “help the situation.” However, this seldom does help, and often makes things worse. Until, we come to a point where we both feel useless and like a failure in the relationship, and are emotionally hurt.

You see, I have everything I need in me to succeed, but I am not perfect in the sense that I don’t always remember that my husband does have my best interest at heart, and I don’t always remember to not take things that others say so sensitively. Which means, sometimes I get my feelings hurt, and sometimes I lash out, and sometimes I can hurt the ones I love. And hopefully, they know that I still love them, and I am a wonderful work in progress. And hopefully, I can remember that about them, too.

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